Remembering Yesteryear
by ChloeDracoMalfoy
Summary: Pain. That's all I feel as I look back to my previous year. I have regretted a lot of things in the past, but nothing can possibly compare to this; having something so close yet so far away takes a toll on you.


**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are not owned neither by me nor the site. It is owned by J.K. Rowling. I'm just twisting it in my own way to make my own story.**

**A/N: This is the story I submitted to Famdom4lls last year. I hope that you can take the time to check out their site and help.**

Pain.

That's all I feel as I look back to my previous year. I have regretted a lot of things in the past, but nothing can possibly compare to this; having something so close yet so far away takes a toll on you. Thinking about the 'what ifs' and the 'why not' prevents a person from moving on. But I still think about it until now because I'm afraid. I'm not afraid of falling in love again; I'm afraid of moving on. Moving on and forgetting how the roller coaster of love gave me the highest ups and the lowest downs. I'm afraid of forgetting my past with him. I'm afraid of moving on and forgetting every detail about him.

I love Him, and this is how my heaven in hell started.

I really don't know when it actually started. He thought it started with the teasing in school, the hexes we sent each other, and the subtle warnings we gave each other. I thought it was when we stopped fighting each other and decided to grow up. We were forced to act as mature as we can because there is no place in the war for petty fights and childish banter. The war left everyone with scars, some more than others. His scars are just easier to point out because of his involvement in the other side. People, on the other hand, liked to think that I came out of the war unscratched; only a few selected people know about my scars.

My family and friends think it was when we started interacting in social gatherings. It started with a few formal words here and there. We then started to interact more during Ministry events. I can't pinpoint when we took the first official step of becoming friends; but I think it started when I wasn't able to attend one of the annual balls of the Ministry. He sent me an owl the very next day, inquiring about my health. The owl took me by surprise since we never discuss anything besides work.

I counted it as a small victory in my part; who would have thought that I'd be able to affect him? He insisted that he was just performing a gentleman's duty of the 'I hope you're not dead and rotting' kind of practice. I refused to believe it as such until now. I knew it somehow meant something.

We started to talk in the corridors and go out for lunch as friends. We didn't jump into a relationship just yet. But the attraction was there. I couldn't deny that I fell for him. Then he introduced me to his girlfriend, but I don't think he enjoyed the experience. There was a lot of name calling and heated arguments, but I honestly can't remember most of it.

After that, we started avoiding each other like a plague. We made sure we don't run into each other in the halls; and when we do, we barely acknowledge each other's presence. We became highly professional when we were required to attend charity events. We acted as if nothing had happened. Nothing means that we never found each other's company comforting or that we secretly think of one another as friends. We returned to our previous selves; He was the wealthy blond man who had worked for the Ministry, like his father, for years who was raised in a society wherein the use of anything but the best is considered immoral and is generally frowned upon. And I became myself in his eyes again; the girl who he once knew but can't remember.

We didn't talk again for months. I didn't think we would even talk again about anything not related to work. But I didn't know how wrong I was until he approached me in Diagon Alley. He told me that he had a huge fight with his fiancé. He told me that he missed me. I was shocked to say the least, but he didn't give me time to recover. He dragged me to an abandoned alley and apparated me to his Manor. He asked me to be in a relationship with him. I disagreed at first, but he gave me no choice. I'm a human being who makes mistakes and I admit that.

We lasted for a year. He was still engaged and I was his dirty secret. I didn't mean to last that long with him, but something prevented me from leaving. What we did to his fiancé was wrong, but we couldn't stop ourselves. I just loved him too much.

After a year, he decided to end it. He's fiancé had known all along and she didn't called him out of it. It's what made him crack. It was what woke me up. We're hurting her. We're hurting each other. He was a messy break up. It was one of the worst things I had to endure.

'"Are you still thinking about that good for nothing Slytherin?" a voice pulled me out of my musings. I don't answer, knowing that it won't make a difference. They know that I always think of Him.

"You know, you're just hurting yourself by thinking of Him. He's nothing but a dark shadow of you past. You have to learn to move on and live without him. Let's just face it; he's never coming back to you." I avert my gaze from my friend but she grips my chin and forces me to look back. "He's making you sick. Don't think of it anymore. This isn't healthy anymore. You'll end up in an asylum somewhere if you continue this. And he'll go on with his life, marrying the girl he dreams about and having dozens of platinum-blond children with her. And it won't be YOU. You won't be a part of his future because he doesn't _love _you! I know it hurts, but that's reality. This is what's going to happen to you if you live in the past. This prevents you from healing. You've been through a lot of things in your life; allow yourself some time to heal. It'll be good for you. This is what will make you better. There's a big chance that what I'm saying doesn't even make sense to you, but you have to understand what's really happening. I have to make you understand."

"But it hurts too mu-"

"Don't use that stupid excuse on me!" She shouted at me. "I know it hurts, but you have to try, really try to do it." she sighs and for the first time in months, I saw how tired she look. "This will be good for you. Trust me. Please. It'll be good for everyone."

She points her wand at me. I know what's coming. I can't blame her for it. She's my friend; she only wants what's best for me. Bu it doesn't make it hurt less. I love him. I just can't forget.

"I'm so sorry. I have to do this. Your parents want you back. And so do we, if this is what it takes then we'll risk it.

I close my eyes and wait for the darkness to engulf me. I cherish my memories with him. I pray that I wouldn't forget. I love Draco Malfoy

It's messed up, but it's my only reminder of him. It's a reminder that he once existed as more than an acquaintance to me. It's my way of recognizing our past together. I loved him, I still do; and this keeps me going. This keeps me hoping that maybe someday; things will go back to how they were.

I'm Hermione Granger and this is my pain.

"Obliviate."

**Author's note: I know it's probably out of character of Hermione to do that, but I wanted to write her as someone who makes mistakes. I wanted to write her as human as I possibly can and this is what came to my mind. It's not probably a good read, but I enjoyed writing this. I know that for most of the readers it's horribly written. But for me, it's probably my best work yet. I know this will be outshined by almost all the stories that have been submitted, but I still liked it. Thank you for bearing with me. And I'd like to thank my Beta, bzsilver, who took the time to look over this little story of mine.**


End file.
